sorry...just so sorry
one sentencejust one sentence
can haf such a great impact on me
emotions are in one huge mess
the day went fine
until tt fateful sentence
for tt point in time
i just totally blanked out
shock numbed me
did u even see that blank stare i gave u?
i totally didn't noe wad to sae
at tt point of time
n anymore
tt numbness
didn't allow the graivity of the words
hit me
until so much later
was able to get through for so long
almost normal
mood just started sinking n sinking
to a point of no return
when the numbness weared off
no matter wad
i will alwaes blame myself
for the ways turn out
its too much of a coincidence
way too much
i tried to control
tried so damned hard
but i just couldn't
couldn't sit there n pretend as if
my whole self wasn't being stamped on
as if part of my world hadn't collasped
tried to act like i was ok
it became too hard
frm the moment i walked out
tears fell
uncontrolled
even in such a crowded place
it fell
the feeling
was so hard to express
no words to describe it
cuz it was just a mess
worthless.useless.good-for-nothing.plain dunb.pain.hurt.worried.a let down.
haix...
so much more
all the way bac to school
it fell silently
haix...
called sumone
talked
dams broke
haix...
no matter wad
if it happens
i will alwaes blame myself
will forever be guilty
haix...
i dun wan it to be like that
but
its seriously not up to me to decide
thinking too much hurts too much
all i can do now is worry
haix...
when i met up with the class
talked to mel
thinking i was alright
but i was so wrong
the moment i repeated it
so felt like crying again
so weak
i've lost myself
haix...
thanks to some special ppl
alwaes there for me
thanks
talked to daph
haix...
went off
we decided to go airport
yes
at nite
to eat
was feeling much better
class was talking crap
went there to eat bk
like one big round
haix...
was there until quite late?
11 plus?
den we went off
took train with mummy n debora
home bound
thots still cloud my mind
haix....
i guess
i'll never forgive myself if it happens
haix...
i'm sorry
just so sorry
haix...
didn't mean to leave like tt
sorry to make u affected
sorry for so many things
sorry for not telling when u asked
cuz i can't
i really just can't or rather dunno how to tell
i dun wan to noe ur reactions
or disappointment
i'm sorry
if i seem to wan to hide things
sorry
i would really like to share it with u
to cry on ur shoulder
but i dun wan u to worry
and i dun wan u to be disappointed
sorry..
tt's all i can sae
haix...
crushed..
another setback
each greater n bigger then the previous
can't take it any longer
-it's getting too painful to hold on-
posted by maG @ 11:50 AM
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